New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
