I'm lost and stupid without you.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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