this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
