I think I won the penis lottery.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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