omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
