1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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