once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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