I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
