my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize
