my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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