i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
