I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
