your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
