my mouth tastes like poor choices
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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