she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
The best revenge is premature balding
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
