Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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