Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Randomize
