Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Randomize
