If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
You need a sexual gate keeper
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Randomize
