butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
