you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
