She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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