I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize