In America we eat man semen.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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