Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
