My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize