Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
