You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
