I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
try to milk me bitch
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