Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
