Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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