And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
