five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
