Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize