My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
