I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
