I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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