If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
