he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
