Tell her she can't have a vagina
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
