Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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