gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
