Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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