so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
