I feel like I'm in dance class right now
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
