Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
