i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
