just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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