Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
of course. lets lasso hookers.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Randomize
