I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
