i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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