It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
