Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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