your parents love me but you hate me
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
