O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
