All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
