Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
