It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
