He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize