If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
