I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Randomize
