I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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