I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
