why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
