My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
