Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Randomize
