so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
