she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
