i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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