You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
