it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
