I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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