A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
he was CRYING into my vagina
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
