Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
