i wish starbucks made bloody marys
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Randomize
