Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
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