i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
