You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
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