She is in my trunk
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
We are all done wearing pants today
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
