Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
