Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
