My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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