lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
