i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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