please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
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