I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
