i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
