Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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