As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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