last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
