also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
