he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
people are starting to question the shark bite story
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
did i just pee glitter
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
dude. I can hear the air.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
