My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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