I hate all girls vehemently.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
