I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
