I want to have your abortion
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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