i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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