She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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