I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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