I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
