I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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