I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
