i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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