Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
