You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Randomize
