i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize